“Are you alright?”
“Excellent”
“Can I have a quick word with you?”
“Yes, quick”
“No, not that quick”
“Okay as long as it is not in the form of question”
“I think it is a question”
“So you won’t have it”
“Why?”
“Because I really hate questions”
“Don’t be ridiculous, I will only ask a question, and you will of course answer it, won’t you?
“I’ve told you, I won’t”
“It’s really a simple question, why don’t you just give me a
simple answer then?
“I won’t answer a single simple question”
“Really, why?”
“I don’t like answering”
“So, why did you answer those questions? I’ve just
questioned you already.
“Oh, Shut up”
I don’t know how I stand for that long. I am getting used to
be all alone and afar. I haven’t prepared a proper answer to their question. I
think I prefer taking TOEFL than answering their annual horrific question. Couple
weeks ago I believed in a few seconds the holiday would be pretty nice. At
least I can make them sure enough to stop worrying my answer. Besides, I
thought the chance of answering their or neighbor’s question would be less
painful. Tonight, however a horrible news came to my ears as a wild arrow. The idea
of coming to my own home alone makes me wondering if I just go abroad for war
instead. The worst idea is about leaving from my home again and alone again. How
can I explain to them? How can they explain to them? For a split second I think I just need to turn my phone off,
but it doesn’t seem good at all, my sister will tell her husband to fetch me,
and she will give me a long boring speech about what I have done. My mother
will of course ask her what happens to me, and I will need to answer their
questions again. Now I realize, that simple question has been taunting and
torturing me. That simple question is a cause of those sleepless dream and
dreamy sleep. That simple question is apparently the reason of tearing for
every moment of my broken heart. That simple question is obviously about you.
Today I can’t remember how to show my teeth. My boss keeps
asking me about the progress of my work. It sounds even more painful than my
own singing. Everybody looks like trolls in my eyes. I don’t have any idea what
to talk to them. Preparing renewal contract, contacting vendors, making the
quotations, are less enjoyable than sitting above the closed closet.
I’ve always been thinking about this and I’ve never been
able to manage my pounding heart whenever I faced this. Do I need to go as far
as I can away and never look back even though just to make sure everyone is
alright, to make sure you are alright?
How to start then? Talking to you? I have done it. Begging
you? I have done it. Shutting myself? Must be a good solution.
How soon is that soon?
Second?
Minute?
Hour?
Day?
Week?
Month?
Year?
Years?
Years?
I can think nothing about thing for something such an indecisive
thing. I am drowning into an indefinite valley ever since I decided to take an
extreme journey of uncertainty. I’ve given my life with a word as a payment :
soon. I’ve been avoiding their messages, phones, and chats. They look like a
lifetime terror. What is that soon for? How soon is that soon?
I love being the object of their solicitudes, very nice of
them. Does every woman ever happen to this impasse?
